Tuesday 21st September 2021 - first chemo day - the day my piss turned red !!

Val arrived to pick me in up in plenty of time to go to the chemo unit @ the hospital.   We were seated down the far end area where there was a couple of other people.   Each chair had a perspex screen between them.   

We waited a little while, but were given a lovely cup of tea.   Angie then introduced herself as the nurse who would be giving my chemo that day.   I was given a small cup of pills to take which were anti sickness and 

I was given a pillow to put under my arm where the chemo would be being delivered.   First things things, questions, none of which I can remember other than what do I think is happening today.  

the rest of the unit 

Angie explained the process; there would be 5 syringes and a bag of saline which would all go through the cannula that she had fitted, taped down securely so it wouldn't move.  

Initially, some saline and Angie asked if I could feel that and there was a cold ish feeling.   The feelings are important when it comes round to the chemo going through because if there is a burning feeling it could mean it's not going down the vein and burning vital parts of my body !!   Thankfully, there was no burning feeling and in went the first syringe, which was red in colour (the liquid was red, the syringe was clear !!).   

The Poison

Ange did ask if I wanted to take any photos and I was chuffed at this as I have been photographing the process.  

Slowly, syringe after syringe and a whole bag of saline was in my body.   I was officially poisoned and had a goody bag and a booklet signed by Angie to prove it. 

The goody bag containing 

• Steroids enough for 5 days 8 mg per day 
• anti sickness tablets for a week after chemo (or as and when needed)
• chemo record book 
• car parking voucher 
• box of injections which were to be self administered for 5 days after today 

The chemo record booklet I was given is my little record of each session, showing exactly what I've been given.   It also has oodles of other information in there including: 

• signs of infection 
• 2 cards for me to put on my person 
• phone numbers for chemo unit
• phone number for emergency 24 hours 
• a place to record side effects 

Val drove us back to my house and I packed an overnight bag and then headed to Val's where I was staying for the night.  She'd offered me to stay but I thought I'll be ok on my own, being someone who likes to control her environment.  But then yesterday, 20th September, the thought came "why be alone?" when I'm craving company, when I can't sleep at night.  

and we're off 

I'm so glad I accepted Val's offer because this PM I felt shit.  Nauseas, chronic belching, bloating, then feeling normal for 5 minutes then nauseas again.    I'm lying here in bed tearful, hot, nausea, wondering if and when my sandwich eaten at tea would be reappearing in the white porcelain bowl in my ensuite room at Val's.  Crying because I have 6 fucking months of this shite and after today, I'm thinking I cannot not have any more sessions.  And just take my luck as to whether the cancer returns.  I think if I were to get scan results on Monday and my lungs weren't ok I'd stop treatment and just enjoy the time with my family.  

It's the thought of feeling so ill for 6 months.  A glimmer of reality appeared saying I don't know how I will feel.     

Little did I know on this day, this was just the start of feeling rough.

Love Titty and Tracey