Monday 20th September @ 23:36 - can't sleep and first chemo tomorrow

So, on Friday last week I had my final hospital appointment of the week, visiting Oncology nurse called Chris.   I arrived half hour early as was still on the bus as car wasn't done prior to the visit.   So I sat in the waiting room, people watching, fill in Covid form and taking sneaky photographs. 

Chris collected me from the waiting room, took my temperature and took me a room and made me a lovely cup of tea.  In this appointment, Chris went through what would be happening with the chemo, when it was going to happen, what might happen, what shouldn't happen, who to contact if any concerns.....

The 3 weekly cycle of chemo, starting in 10 hours and 20 minutes, will always be on a Tuesday.   It will only go ahead if my blood test results from the previous Friday are ok and if I'm feeling well enough.  On hte Monday before the chemo on Tuesday, my lovely consultant will contact me to say if bloods are ok or not.   I have the responsibility to book my own blood tests on line so must not forget to do that.   

I was surprised at a few things Chris said including .... 

• if you are vomiting, you shouldn't be, so ring the 24 hour hotline,
• if you have diarrhea it's a red flag, ring the hotline, 
• in my temperature goes above 37.5 ring the hotline, if i'm so weak I can't leave my bed, ring the hotline.   
  I was totally expecting to be vomiting, spending days in bed and just generally looking and feeling outrageously rough.  I may feel rough, but there's a limit as to how rough before it's a warning something isn't as it should be.   
  
  
  
• I could get mouth ulcers, if they're so bad I can't eat, ring the Helpline 
• I could get chemo related fatigue 
• I could get flu like symptoms 
• I may not get any or many symptoms for the first few days, other than the steroid reaction
  

I do have chronic fatigue anyway, so I asked about that in that presumably if it's worse than normal, then could be good chance of it being the chemo.  Basically, it's just common sense (I say that now before I've had any however, when I'm feeling shite and panicky common sense may leave the building).   Chris reassured me though if in doubt, RING.   

Tomorrow, I will also be taking steroids for a few days (4 or 5?), and this apparently may make me a bit hyper and then when I stop taking them ..... there may be a bit of a crash.   Also, on the Wednesday, I'm going to have to jab myself in the belly ... but I can't recall why so I will ask tomorrow.  

If my hair falls out, I can have a £100 voucher for a wig so I've decided on a longish one ... thinking Jennifer Anniston, or a spiral permed one to recreate the look I used to have !!! 

Chris took me round the Chemo unit and introduced me to other nurses and also the lady on reception whose name I have forgotten... but she was described by Chris as the woman that keeps it ticking over (or words to that effect).  It felt like I had been for a job interview, and now being give the tour !!   

I will be give a booklet tomorrow which I should fill in (I do love stuff like this !!!).   This should travel with me to each appointment.    The appointments will last about 45 minutes and for the first one, someone can come in with me so Val will be picking me up, driving us there, coming in with me an driving us home.   She has offered me a bed for the night but my need to control is saying "no, i'll be fine".   But actually today I thought, do you know what you might be ok, but wouldn't be reassuring to be around someone.   So tomorrow morning I'll see if the bed is still available.   

The last few days I have been feeling more positive about the treatment and the outcome.   Maybe partly due to just processing and going through the emotions, accepting that there's only one way to do this and that's to go through it to come out the other side.   I did also last Wednesday have a Reiki session and since then, I've had also more energy and motivation to do stuff.  I have also been doing some meditation and trying to tap into the energy in my body and raise it.   I'm also working with my neighbour over da fence on an art project which is turning out to be rather fabulous.  Neighbour over da fence came round Sunday morning for our 2nd Sunday meeting and we laughed so much .... just what I needed.   

I decided as well to take pressure off myself regarding getting the wedding photos edited ready for this free book that I could have worth £100 ... I spent days getting photos ready, but it's a process that can't be rushed so I accepted actually just because it's free doesn't mean I have to have it.   

My eyes are heavy, my head is heavy, but when I put them both on the pillow, the head won't shut off, not even with meditation tonight.    But I'll go and try anyway.....

Love Titty and Tracey