Titty Has a Lump: Tuesday 28th September

Today I started to feel better and as the days have rolled on this feeling just continued. The fear has been lifted and instead replaced by someone who is enjoying the minutes, the hours, the days. I am in the moment, in reality, that place i've feared staying for so long.

And what has my reality been?

Tuesday was a meeting

Wednesday I've no idea as I didn't journal

Thursday Sam had a heart attack in front of me and Billy whilst sitting in the van he had just driven!!

Friday I drove to Mom's and stayed until Monday 4th October

Even Sam having his heart attack has not sent me back into my comfort zone of numbness and denial. Billy and I both held Sam's hand as we waited what felt like hours for an ambulance, slowing watching him slip away, watching his eyes fix in one place, talking to 999 asking where the ambulance was, fetching a defibrilator, watching Billy panic when I went near it as he thought I was going to use it on a breathing man !! The relief when help arrived was just .... relief and gratitude that a power greater than me had arrived. 3 powers infact arrived, followed by another 3. They got Sam out, off to hospital, only for him to crash and have been thumped on the chest and have a stent fitted. Sam is a very very lucky man, and I feel lucky and grateful that he did not crash in the van.

Sam is a wonderful man. He's someone I laugh with and be naughty with. He has nick names for people such as 5 course and says things like his internet provider died which was his neighbour! This sounds awful, but it's not malicious. His humour is not politically correct and shouldn't be listened to by those with sensitive ears !! His home is open house to a few good people. He'll give his meal to someone that turns up unexpectedly .... He's a vegetarian and cooks wonderful concoctions from scratch, including growing his own and also sprouting seeds. He's not keen on hugs, doesn't show his feelings much, except when he's angry. He's well travelled, political, and very good with his hands. He's know he's loved muchly but he's not mushy. Oh and he hates toilet talk from women !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is now recovering at home with beer n fags in bed !!!!

Sam is George's dad. Here's his wall of fame.

Love you Sam.